“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
— Matthew 5:4
Times like this remind me of the people who loved me — people who are no longer here. I think about them often.
I don’t know if we’re truly meant to appreciate the moment when we’re in it, because now I see how much I took my time with them for granted. They loved me, they really did. And I feel like I let them down.
This addiction, this cycle, kept me trapped inside myself. While they needed me, I was somewhere else — in my head, in my shame, in my habits. I wasn’t present. I wasn’t really there for them.
That realization hurts deeply. It breaks my heart to know that people who loved me were calling out for connection, and I was too lost to hear it.
But I can’t change the past. What I can do is honor them by becoming the man they believed I could be.
I have to stop this.
Not just for me, but for the ones who are still here — the ones who still need me, who still love me.
I can’t make the same mistake twice.
I have to live awake.
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