“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
— Hebrews 12:11
I haven’t masturbated or watched porn. I’m doing good. But I’m starting to realize that if I don’t also work on my other habits — eating fast food, overusing social media, spending hours on the internet — I’ll eventually drift back.
Because when those things drain my dopamine and leave me empty, the craving returns. Once I hit that low point — when the phone, the food, or the scrolling stop giving me that quick hit — my mind will reach back for what it used to know: porn.
That’s the truth I’m seeing now. The same pathway that once led to pornography is still alive in me through other distractions. And if I don’t heal the root — the need for constant stimulation — I’ll never be free.
Tomorrow is Saturday. The weekend — the time I usually fall. I can already feel the urge: to drink, to go out, to escape. But this time, I’m choosing not to. I want to take care of my goals. I want to feel what it’s like to face the weekend awake, not numb.
My dad told me something that gave me hope. He said there was a habit he used to think he’d never stop — something that felt impossible to live without. He used to wonder, “How can I live normally with that burning desire in the back of my mind?” He said it was like torture.
But now, he doesn’t even desire it anymore. The craving is gone.
That gives me hope. Because it means this battle has an end.
That maybe one day, I’ll wake up and the urge will be gone — replaced by peace.
And maybe that peace is the reward waiting for those who stay the course.
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