Day 5 — Facing the Roots

“So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.”

— Romans 7:21

Day 5.

I went to school today. I did good — and that made me happy.

Some girls approached me, and it felt good too. But it also made me realize something important: my shame and regret from pornography have been shaping my relationships for years. Every time I meet someone I’m attracted to, something feels wrong inside me — like I’m not enough, or like I’m carrying something dirty that I can’t show.

Now that I’m 31, I have to face that clearly.

I have to see myself as I am — not as a victim, but as a man who is learning to rebuild his mind.

I’m cutting down on scrolling. I’m not watching porn. I’m starting to reclaim time and energy. But I still have one chain I need to break — drinking.

Saturday night I went out. Every place I went to, I had to have a drink. It wasn’t optional. It felt like a compulsion. The book I read calls it running amok — and that’s exactly what it feels like. When I drink, I want to let loose, go here, go there, chase that feeling of being free. But instead of actually being free, I get trapped — trapped in my own head, overthinking, disconnected.

I can see it now:

Porn, drinking, fast food, scrolling — they all come from the same place. A restless spirit looking for peace in all the wrong ways.

I have to stop drinking for a while.

I need to see what life looks like without escape.

Maybe that’s where real peace begins — not in the release, but in the restraint.